This response is so compassioante and exactly what someone struggling with disordered eating needs to hear. The war metaphor really hit home for me, I've seen friends go through similar battles and the idea of just not showing up for that war is such a powerfull reframe. Your point about eating disorders being made of clotted up words that never made it out is somthing I never considered but it makes total sense when you think about it.
What if we just didn’t show up for the wars on our bodies! Goodness. Needed to hear that two decades ago but so glad to hear it now and to have this response to a question so many are asking in different ways.
Beautiful reply to a heartbreaking question. I saw so much of my younger self in this. How brave the questioner was to send it—sending them love and strength as they tackle this challenge!
What a thoughtful delicate reply. The idea that we need to say it, talk to another human about our fears, whatever they are, is so essential. And so easy to forget.
"I’ve sometimes thought that eating disorders are made of clotted up words—words that never made it out of their thinkers’ minds and, feeling stuck, began an anguished claw and scrape in search of escape." What a thought! Your writing today brought me back to seasons of disordered eating in my life, and how often (always) these times were accompanied by a rule of silence that I enforced on myself. I'm going to have to sit with this idea for a while. Thank you for your brilliance and compassion.
This writer's plea, and your response, turned a light on in the oven of my being. You offered a brave soul Comfort Words, towards Comfort Food (which I find you often do in ways that edge me to soft inner tears). I was not familiar with the term "disordered eating". Upon reading it, I felt my mind pricked by recognition and a sense of received wisdom. Ohhhhhh.... that's how to describe what I have struggled with as a young person, teenager, and fully grown woman. That half-starving feeling that I sometimes clung/cling to when money fears are simmering, or my self-esteem is low. I am fortunate to have skirted around bulimia and anorexia (terms I was familiar with), but there has been an undercurrent of dis-ease, ricocheting between 1/2 starving and binging, that labeling as disordered feels remedial. I appreciate the care you took to encourage the reader to seek professional help. For me, my journey towards more compassionate self-alimentation (thank you also to the writer for using this word in a sentence) was kick-started by your first book, and continues to this day with your tender entries to cooks and eaters of all kinds, at every stage. Thank you to the student, and thank you to you.
This was a beautifully compassionate response. I’m struggling to find the time to be gentle and patient with my body near the end of pregnancy and this was the gentle hand I needed to be offered. Thank you.
I did not eat well as a young person and knew plenty of women in some stage of the cycles you describe. I wish there had been someone to talk to then..but we were all stuck in our cycles. To Tamar's excellent ideas I would add some kind of enjoyable movement. Any movement creates a healthy appetite for all the foods Tamar suggests here. Everyone has a different kind of healthy movement and it might take time and experimenting to find that. But once I did find that for my own body, I felt more alive, and more motivated to feed my body well.
a bit late to that but i could not have thought about a better answer than this. Thank you so much for putting words on those difficult steps when we can feel lost. Thank you
This response is so compassioante and exactly what someone struggling with disordered eating needs to hear. The war metaphor really hit home for me, I've seen friends go through similar battles and the idea of just not showing up for that war is such a powerfull reframe. Your point about eating disorders being made of clotted up words that never made it out is somthing I never considered but it makes total sense when you think about it.
Thank you, thank you.
What if we just didn’t show up for the wars on our bodies! Goodness. Needed to hear that two decades ago but so glad to hear it now and to have this response to a question so many are asking in different ways.
Thank you, Daisy. I needed it too. You can imagine what a great responsibility answering this letter felt like. Thank you for giving it a landing pad.
Beautiful reply to a heartbreaking question. I saw so much of my younger self in this. How brave the questioner was to send it—sending them love and strength as they tackle this challenge!
They really were brave. I wouldn't have dared. It bodes so well for the next step for them. I, too, send them love and strength.
What a thoughtful delicate reply. The idea that we need to say it, talk to another human about our fears, whatever they are, is so essential. And so easy to forget.
And so, so hard to do.
"I’ve sometimes thought that eating disorders are made of clotted up words—words that never made it out of their thinkers’ minds and, feeling stuck, began an anguished claw and scrape in search of escape." What a thought! Your writing today brought me back to seasons of disordered eating in my life, and how often (always) these times were accompanied by a rule of silence that I enforced on myself. I'm going to have to sit with this idea for a while. Thank you for your brilliance and compassion.
This writer's plea, and your response, turned a light on in the oven of my being. You offered a brave soul Comfort Words, towards Comfort Food (which I find you often do in ways that edge me to soft inner tears). I was not familiar with the term "disordered eating". Upon reading it, I felt my mind pricked by recognition and a sense of received wisdom. Ohhhhhh.... that's how to describe what I have struggled with as a young person, teenager, and fully grown woman. That half-starving feeling that I sometimes clung/cling to when money fears are simmering, or my self-esteem is low. I am fortunate to have skirted around bulimia and anorexia (terms I was familiar with), but there has been an undercurrent of dis-ease, ricocheting between 1/2 starving and binging, that labeling as disordered feels remedial. I appreciate the care you took to encourage the reader to seek professional help. For me, my journey towards more compassionate self-alimentation (thank you also to the writer for using this word in a sentence) was kick-started by your first book, and continues to this day with your tender entries to cooks and eaters of all kinds, at every stage. Thank you to the student, and thank you to you.
This was a beautifully compassionate response. I’m struggling to find the time to be gentle and patient with my body near the end of pregnancy and this was the gentle hand I needed to be offered. Thank you.
I feel your hand, too, and give it a hard squeeze.
I did not eat well as a young person and knew plenty of women in some stage of the cycles you describe. I wish there had been someone to talk to then..but we were all stuck in our cycles. To Tamar's excellent ideas I would add some kind of enjoyable movement. Any movement creates a healthy appetite for all the foods Tamar suggests here. Everyone has a different kind of healthy movement and it might take time and experimenting to find that. But once I did find that for my own body, I felt more alive, and more motivated to feed my body well.
a bit late to that but i could not have thought about a better answer than this. Thank you so much for putting words on those difficult steps when we can feel lost. Thank you